It Hurts
by Leah Bea
Summary: ::one-shot:: "It hurts. It physically hurts me to see you now. To see you with that girl, smiling and laughing..." (NOT a Kagome fic, OK?)


_**It Hurts**_   
_--- Ethne_   
  
  
---  
  
  
It hurts. It physically hurts me to see you now. To see you with that girl, smiling and laughing.   
To see you surrounded by mortals who you have come to know as friends. I cannot stand to see   
you watch her out of the corner of your eyes – when you think no is watching. The look you hold   
is so soft and caring. It should have been mine. I should have been the one with you, not her. Not   
that slip of a girl who dares to resemble myself.   
You do not deserve this happiness, Inu-Yasha. You should have died on that day – with me.   
Why is it you were granted a second chance at life, while I am cursed to wander this earth fueled   
only by my hatred? I am forced to gather souls of departed women in order to function. Not live –   
but function. That is all I am truly able to do now. I can only go through the motions of living,   
never really feeling the soft breezes or hearing the bird's song. An earth-born hell is where I   
dwell. And while I suffer, you are able to live. Why? Why have the gods deemed you worthy of   
life? You… you have never deserved such kindness as what the gods give you.   
A monster you are. Your only desire is to become a demon and create chaos. No demon has   
existed that has not killed an innocent. Do you know this? I am a demon, yet a priestess – I have   
killed men, woman, and children in my new "life." Why, though? Why have I become what I   
always despised? It is so that I can bring you to where you properly belong – to Hell. You were   
supposed to die! My arrow pierced your heart and you were supposed to fall into a slumber until   
the arrow rotted away and you were dead… Yet… That girl came to this land so far from her own.   
She released you from your prison before all was completed. She gave you another chance to   
live – while I rested in my grave. If not for her, you would be with me – where you should be. We   
were supposed to live our lives together in bliss. But she came.   
It does not matter to me that you never truly betrayed me. That knowledge will not give me   
back the life I had dreamed of – the life I wanted with you. I will still be as I am. I will remain as   
part of myself wandering with only the souls of others keeping me "alive." When I died, I had   
known I would meet you some day in death. I knew that on that day we would finally be together.   
And she ruined it all.   
Once upon a time… you would have given your life to be united with me. You nearly did one   
time so long ago. She stopped you, though. The girl, who looks as I do, but is my opposite. So   
many times you have escaped coming with me to the world beyond. Why? Is it because you have   
found a reason to live in that girl? Long ago you probably would have lived only to spite those   
around you. Now you live because you do not wish to make her cry. Never would it have bee that   
way with me. You would never have gone to such great lengths to simply return to me, would   
you? Probably not…   
You believe I tried to change you because I did not love you for who you were… You are   
wrong. In truth, I loved who and what you were – Inu-Yasha, the hanyou. But I knew that you   
would live ten times as long as I would. I knew you would be hurt by my death – just as you were   
by your mother's. You may believe my intentions were impure, but I only wanted to spare you the   
pain. If you were a human, the jewel would have disappeared. The danger would have passed.   
We could have lived as normal humans. However, the gods did not agree with our plans. They   
did not approve of our love. And so, they sent Naraku to turn us against one another. If we could   
not live together, though, I knew we could die together. I never asked to be healed, though I knew   
I could be. I only asked to be burned with the jewel. I only wanted to wait for you in the after life…   
I am a fool. I know… But you still do not deserve this happiness. You should not be with her   
now. She should not exist in this time. None of this should have happened. It is all wrong. Never   
should there have been a Naraku; never should we have doubted each other; never should we   
have had to die; never should she have come… And yet, as I tell myself this is all her fault, I know   
it is not. She never could have ruined our deaths if there was never a Naraku. And he would   
never exist if I had not cared for that thief. I could blame him, I suppose, but I know that is wrong.   
It is my own fault that all of this occurred. Yet… I was only doing as I was trained to do. Help the   
ill. Perhaps it is not my fault, or his, or yours, or hers. Maybe this was just as things were meant to   
be…   
But even if that is true, it still hurts me to see you now…   
  
  
  
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AN: All right. There is the second Inu-Yasha fic I have posted for your enjoyment. Um… Yeah,   
this is obviously from Kikyou's POV. I hope I did well with her. Something just kinda draws me to   
write things about her (thought last time I changed my mind at the last moment). ::shrugs::   
Anyway, please tell me what you think of this. =) It took me two hours to get past the first   
paragraph… I hate writing those. They're irritating. Everything else is easy, it's just starting is   
always hard… Right, then. Me quiet. Thanks for reading. Please review. Any comments (good or   
bad) are always welcome!   
---Ethne 


End file.
